With the only understanding of a home is to be looked upon with concern and disappointment. I guess in away thats what love is, in the pessimistic life I live.
There’s no downfall when you lose that kind of love unlike when I lost you. The colors diminished from everything, my hope and optimism fled and time, time some how goes incredibly fast but in the depressed fog that surrounds me, time is stagnant. Being this way I have no concept of time.
Friends around me meet people, fall in love and get married in what seems to me like a single day, when in reality it’s been years. Playing catch up I’ve tried to live lifetimes in everyday in order to gain lost ground, in my pathetic attempt do this I live in my head dreaming up and correcting mistakes, cause in my head I control time and space.
In my head I’m in control of the chaos that consumes and everything worked out how it’s meant to be….
I don’t even care anymore, I don’t even know why I’m writing this or where it’s going.
In an ironic sense that’s probably all I needed to say to sum up my situation, pointless and heading in no direction.
Whatever I’m out.